Nothing really special happened to me this winter; there were a few episodes here and there but, the reason why I want summer to delay is because I'm not ready to see summer.
Last summer is something that I will never forget. It was a bloom of magical relationship; but now that relationship has warped. As to what happened, I've already explained in my first blog post. I, till this day, after 5 months, still miss him very much. He is a good man and he doesn't even see it. He believes that he has done some terrible things in the passed and hurt a lot of people. Yes, he has broken my heart, and I honestly still cry about it till this day, but I understand why he did it. It just sucks... a lot. As how Rupual would say it "if you can't love yourself then how the hell you gonna love somebody else?" He has done so many things and so many sacrifices and yet, he doesn't get recognized or rewarded in the end.
There are some moments where I pull a tantrum and fights, and get stressed and sick and smoke a cigarette, those are my vices I've been slowly fixing but, I still appreciate the things he do, and I still very much care about him; I just need to take care of myself more.
Going back on the whole seasons changing, I'm scared of facing summer cause this summer I'm not with him anymore. We had a wonderful time together, good and bad, but now I have to make new ones. I just don't want to forget what we had.
A couple of weeks ago, when we still had snow, I decided to go out in the night and step on the snow barefoot. I took a couple of steps, and feel the cold on my naked feet. I looked up into the night sky and stared at the glimmering stars. What was I doing? I was praying, wishing and remembering.
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Tomorrow marks the day of our one year anniversary if we were still together. I just have to see it as a regular day now where I have work tomorrow morning. But how I honestly feel....
